


Halfsleeper

by w0lfmoon



Series: Peaky Blinders Reader Fics [3]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Also sorry for the rushed ending I am so sleepy but still wanted to put out a quality fic ya know, Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 06:15:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15504111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w0lfmoon/pseuds/w0lfmoon
Summary: A Michael x Reader fic based on the song "Halfsleeper" by Chelsea Wolfe. Angst and fluff.CW: depression, depressive thoughts, slight suicidal ideations (suicide is not directly mentioned but the thoughts are implied so stay safe, loves)





	Halfsleeper

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a quick little piece set to “Halfsleeper” by Chelsea Wolfe (who I highly recommend you listen to– her music would be the perfect PB soundtrack and not to mention she’s a beautiful goth angel.)
> 
> Also this is my first time writing Michael so….I hope it isn’t too bad.
> 
> This also might not be the best considering this is an impulse piece, but I do hope you all enjoy it anyways. Definitely need some angsty fluff with Michael. And as always, my messages are ALWAYS open for requests so don’t be afraid to drop a line. xoxoxo 
> 
> Also, this fic, along with my Alfie and Alfie x Tommy x reader fics, are up on my peaky blinders side tumblr, tommyalfiesdoll :)

 

 

> **_All the parts of me that lived inside  
>  Are drowning in the sea of waking life _ **

You felt it. The deep melancholy that has haunted you for most of your life in the depths of your chest, slowly spreading to your aching bones and sleepy eyes. It was well after midnight, and your lover Michael was asleep. And so it was just you and your demons. You have always been a vivacious and ambitious woman, but there was a cavernous sadness that could not escape you. Even in childhood. You remember how, despite your parents doting on you and raising you in a well-adjusted household in a small little cottage in Dublin, you still had these episodes of unbearable and unshakeable sadness. Your parents, friends, and distant family members noticed, and were not slow to make comments.

_“That poor lass will never find a man with those sad eyes of hers, no matter how charming she is.”  
_

_“Yeah, what man will want to put up with random fits of sadness? We women are already hysterical, but this…this will send them runnin’ to the hills.”_

These comments still haunted you, even years later. Those comments were part of the reason why you moved from Dublin to Birmingham; a desperate attempt to escape the passive aggressive scrutiny of those you cherished most. Yet, those comments still followed you and it made you doubt the relationship you built with Michael, the most wonderful man you have ever met. You were immediately smitten with him and his entire family when you met them whilst singing an old Irish tune in the Garrison one night. You never forgot how captivating Michael’s stormy stare was; you knew you had to have him. He was immediately smitten with you as well, his eyes never leaving your doe-eye emeralds, and rose plump lips. He spent a good portion of that evening staring at you and ignoring whatever business his mum and cousins were discussing. And that did not go unnoticed.

 

 

> _**They don’t know their colors don’t belong on the outside  
>  They don’t know their colors don’t belong ** _

And from that moment, your world changed. You felt color begin to creep in, at last. Michael and his wonderful family finally gave you stability and color. Yet, you were always afraid of them finding out about your affliction. You tried your damnedest to fight the depression, to make sure that not a trace could be found in your eyes.

But in the end, Michael and the family found out, and to your surprise, they all understood. You remember sitting at the table, drinking tea that Pol made and she did not once judge you for the sudden crying spells that overtook you. In fact, she wrapped her arms around you and whispered, “it’s okay, love, half the boys are broken too, we all are, but are still loved. As are you.”  That made you cry harder.

And Michael, the angel that he is, did not find it too much, as your relatives once put it. In fact, he pulled you into his arms, and kissed your head gently and told you how much he loved you and that no amount of depression would ever drive him away. You sobbed so hard into his chest that night, but you felt loved and… accepted.

 

 

> ****_**All the things we yelled don’t mean a thing**_  
>  _ **When we’re spinning out on dark and metal wind**_  
>  _ **When we’re flying like blue mary’s angels through shattered glass**_  
>  _ **When we find the tall black shadow waiting there with outstretched hands**_

And yet… you still questioned it, all of it. Such is the insidious nature of depression. It distorts your entire reality, convincing you, tempting you that the people you love most don’t really love you, that your life doesn’t matter, and that it would just be better if it all ended. If it all went away.

And here you are, past midnight, tears starting to fall down your cheeks as you watch your angel sleep soundly next to you. You wish you could reach for him, to wake him up so you could bury yourself in his arms, to silence the vicious thoughts in your head. But it was late and you just couldn’t do that to him. You felt selfish for even considering it and the tears fell harder.

 

 

> _**He has given me a dress of red and you a skin of gray  
>  We’ll be twisting here for hours til the light will give us day** _

Unbeknownst to you, Michael was never fully asleep. He couldn’t sleep on the nights you couldn’t. It killed him that he could sleep just fine but you were kept awake by your own personal demons. He felt helpless, he wanted to kiss it and make it all better. But sometimes he didn’t know what to do, but as he listened to your continuous sobs, he knew he couldn’t just lay there and pretend to sleep. He needed you in his arms, even if it didn’t do much to ease the pain. As long as he could show you that were loved, regardless of what your depression tells you, then that’s all that mattered.

You were so busy crying you didn’t hear the shift in the bed until a gruff, sleep laced voice called, “Sarah” you froze as you stare into your lover’s dark eyes, and you couldn’t help the sudden and overwhelming feeling of guilt that you had for interrupting his sleep; you sobbed more.

“Sarah… Sarah…what’s the matter, dove? I’m here, I’m here” Michael pleaded, reaching out to cup your face and wipe away tears with his thumbs.

“I…I feel so guilty…I woke you up..and i..why are you with me Michael I am such a mess..an emotional, sad mess…why do you want me?”

Michael’s heart broke as he pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you tightly, to show you that he doesn’t want to let go; “Sarah, do not feel bad for waking me up, I wasn’t really sleeping anyways, and I want you because you are beautiful and an amazing woman, depression or not. You are _mine,_ and that means I will always be here for you, even if I don’t always know what to do or say other than to kiss and hold you.” With that, he began to pepper kisses all over your face, from your quivering lips to your neck, and his grip on you never faltered. He needed to assure you that you would always be safe in his arms, no matter what.

And it convinced you. Your crying faded into whimpers and gentle moans, and you began to kiss back, hide your face into his neck, giving light feather kisses to the delicate flesh there.

And your grip was equally as tight around his neck, but he didn’t mind. In fact, he took it as a sign that you understood and accepted his assurance that even during these moments, he still loved you all the same; you were his angel. And his alone.

“C’mon love, let’s sleep, you need it. There is no work tomorrow, so we can stay in, yeah?” You nodded and he kissed your nose gently and brought you into him so you both could lay in his embrace.

And as he said his final goodnight and gave his final kiss until morning, you smiled softly and snuggled deeply into him, never wanting to let go, finally understanding that even on these nights, you were still loved, wanted, and needed.

 

 

> __**We’re spread across the open road  
>  And we’re spread across the asphalt on the open road  
>  And we’re streaming in the wind like cassette tape or jellyfish  
>  Long dark veins and records playing memories **


End file.
